27.03.2013

Beauty out of ashes by E.J.

By runlife

Please welcome E.J she writes over at  Path of authenticity, I love her words and her heart, I know you will agree, she has become a great friend, I am blessed. Welcome, E.J….

I look at this pile of ashes heaped up before me, they are called “my life”. He says that He makes beauty out of ashes, and I never understood it before.


The ashes are the friends killed, the loved ones who died, the family scattered in every corner of the world, the evacuation out of the land I love, the loss of health, the being diagnosed again, and again, and again with chronic illnesses, the nearly dying, the depression, the loss of my house, the letting my job go, the leaving my ministry. It’s all so vivid still, it’s all present and not past. Countless days spent in hospital, the unbearable pain, the one thing after another going wrong and getting worse and worse. The ever-changing plans, the uncertainty. It is all ashes.
It seemed that I had so much, and it feels like I lost it all. I remember the pain and grief in it, the crying out questions, and the clinging onto God for dear life.


He said He makes beauty out of ashes and I never saw it before, but now I do. Now I see the beauty hiding in those ashes.


I look at that dirty heap in front of me and I say “God has been amazingly faithful” I say it because of the ashes. I say it because of every moment, every part burnt to be reduced to soot. I say it loud and clear, and it rings from deep within my soul “God has been so incredibly faithful.”


That my friends is the beauty, the jewel hidden in these ashes. That is the gift He has given me. That I can hold dust and still say “My God is faithful”. He has done heart surgery on me whilst I was busy watching the fire, and I wonder how he managed it, and I wonder if it was that very fire that burnt so harsh which enabled it. He has changed my heart. My love, my joy, my beauty-seeing-eyes are all a gift from Him. Unearned, undeserved, a massive grace-gift.
He Himself is love, is joy, is beauty, is grace, and I see it clearly now. Through this fire, in these ashes, He has given me more of Himself.


These ashes are Him giving Himself to me.
How can I not see the beauty and how can I not be thankful for them?